Sorry, did my face scare you?

Last year about this time, my friend and I found ourselves standing in an outdoor line to enter into a haunted house. Sounds like a great idea, right. "Hey why don't us two girls jump in my car on a dark, dark  saturday night, drive across the river and subject ourselves to the most terrifying experience imaginable?" So, drive across the river we did.

It wasn't long until our normal nerves became unnerves. One would think that the fright would commence once inside the haunted house. Lucky us, these people like to pull a fast one on you by instructing the walking dead to invade your space bubble and give you the ole stare down before you even enter into the haunted house.

My friend and I decided lack of eye contact with these frightening beasts would be the best way to keep them away and at bay. Yeah, we were wrong. Do you even realize how horrifying it is to have a zombie stare you in the eyes from just inches away? I know he wasn't real (or atleast that's what I told myself ) and that it was just some paid actor who happens to be terribly good at their job, but it is still something about a mask and not knowing who or what really lies under the thin layer of plastic and paint. Are they smiling under there? Is it a man or a woman? Adult, teen or child? Are they reasonably normal or does this facade mirror what they are truly like ?

It's a funny thing about masks; Some people put them on while other people seem to leave them off when they feel they are in the superior position.

Being a worker in a restaurant, it doesn't take long to realize that there are all kinds or people out there. There are people that say things, do things, ask questions and behave in a way that would absolutely blow your mind. One thing that I thought was of particular interest (at this moment in time at least) is how some people put on a mask to go out to eat while others feel that they can let their true colors show.

Take example A :The overly polite and extremely excitable female.

"Good Evening, how are you doing tonight?".

 "Oh ! HI !! How are you doing sweetie? We are doing just, just fabulous

"Wonderful.  Can I get you a drink to start off with?"

 "Oh ! um, hmm. I think I will have a water with lemon. hehehe"

 "Alright, I will bring that right back for you."

 "Aww, thank you so so much sweetie,  hehehehe, thank you."

Ok, nice people are wonderful, but really? You think I'm going to fall for that? There is NO WAY in heck that you are always that joyful, exhuberant and bubbly. She was hardly able to utter a word without turning it into some kind of giggle or coo. Sorry lady ,batting those 2 inch long lashes is only making your mask more obvious.

Now let's take a look at example B: The, I came out to be waited on, treated like a king, eat a meal fit for a king and suck the life out of the experience and the happiness from everyone around me while paying as little as possible, guy.

Looks like a mask. Is scary like a mask. Nope, that just your real face. Tell your mother I'm sorry.

"Is this table ok for you sir?"

 "I would really prefer a booth"

 "Alright, follow me. How is this for you?"

 "Don't you have anything bigger? It's kind of small don't you think?"

 "Sorry sir, We'll go over here and see if this is ok for you."

"Well, it's kind of dark. How about that booth over there?"

"Sure, go right ahead."

"Much better. Now can I have the triple prime burger done medium well. Make sure there is no pink in it."

 "So you would like it well done sir?"

No, medium well. No pink."

"Alright sir."

"Don't put butter on my bun and don't toast it. No lettuce, mayonaise or onion. Add mustard and place the pickles on the side. Also I would like to substitute my fries for the steamed broccoli. Make sure the broccoli is overly cooked and melt some cheese over it. Last time I had it here it was still crunchy."

 "Absolutely sir, is there else I can get for you?"

 "How much is the salad bar?"

 "$2.99 with your meal."

" Are you serious? That is a ridiculous price. It should just come with the meal."

 "I'm sorry sir, thats just the way it is. Now is there anything else I can get for you?"

 " I want a diet coke with double limes on the side. Also, do I get these biscuits?"

(Reminder to self: avoid eye contact. Maybe then  he'll let me live)

(5 minutes later)

"Here is your diet coke with limes and some biscuits."

"What are these?"

"They are your biscuits sir."

(face scrunched) " They ARE?! What is in them?"

" They are delicious garlic cheddar biscuits."

"Ok, well did you see that I had this coupon? Do you need it now?"

 "Thank you, I can get it at the end of your meal for you."

(5 mins later)

"How is everything going for you?" " Well as far as the burger is concerned, let's just say I have had better. It was overcooked and rather dry. " (he pushes the gnarled remains of his burger with his knife.)

"I am very sorry about that sir. Would you still like to use your coupon?"

"Yeah, it's sitting right there, take it."

(2 minutes later)

"I'm sorry sir but I unable to use this particular coupon today. It is only able to be used on an entree from the Seafood, Steaks, Ribs and Specialties section of the menu."

"But it says, one entree."

"Yes, Sir, it does but if you read down below, it is there that it specifies."

"Well can you still take it off. I didn't know that when I ordered my meal. If I would have known that I wouldn't have come here. This restaurant is a joke. Not exactly good service sweetie."

(Pinch myself. Is this real? Please don't eat me.)

Forget the mask. That bitterness is brooding in your veins. You need reconstructive surgery !

I know it is my job to make your visit as lovely and pleasant as possible but I am not your slave, and neither am I the person who you are truly angry with, however I am the messenger (It's not me you want to shoot remember?) but you pulled out the pistol regardless. Six rounds later your cutting words and degredation have pierced holes right through me and you leave just as miserable as you came.

"Thanks for coming. Have a wonderful evening!" My jaw is beginning to ache from the gritted teeth that have been clenched behind my forced smile for the past 52 minutes.  

I tried my hardest. I really did. Why did you have to leave your mask at home?Does that mean you left your generosity at home with it? Yup, you sure did. Thanks for the $ .37 time you basket heart !

Although the first lady may have been a bit over the top, extremely fake and wearing a botox smile, atleast she was pleasant. Maybe her mask hid from me the terrible person that she really is or maybe it just magnified those good characteristics already embedded in her. But to those who choose to leave their friendly facade at home...you are scary and terrifying and would fit in really well with a colony of zombies. That's all I'm sayin.



Dirt.

Dirt.

4 letters.

Contamination.

Unclean.

Brown.

Ugly.

Nobody wants it.

The earth is full of it.

Extremely common.

Unoriginal.

Foul.

Filler.

I'm tired of hearing dirt. Every time I walk in I hear it. I walk out to get relief, but still it echoes off the walls and filters through the cracks in the door. It dusts each surface and lingers like stale smoke. Infiltrating. Penetrating. Grasping. Do I have to go back in? Its necessary, pertinent and pressing that I re-enter.

Dirt this. Dirt that. A face full of dirt is what you are. She is a dirty idiot, and I can't believe he dirty did that.

I say dirt because it's like, "like". A filler. A descriptor. A dirty descriptor.

It wears on me. It eats at me. It decomposes and decays me.

They dig me a hole, make me stay, lock the doors and pile dirt on my head for hours on end.

A grave is where I'm at.

Take me to where it is clean. Take me out of this dark atmosphere. Someplace that is void of dirt and full of life and light. Where my soul can be uplifted and encouraged and far from the scum, the repetitive noise of all the dirt.

Can you say nothing else? Is there no more intelligence in you to think of something higher, something more meaningful than that of which we try to rid ourselves every day.

You wash yourself clean each morning. The soap washes it all away. How do you feel? Calmed. Soothed. Pleasantly pure. Why ruin that? Why defile yourself. Is it because it is what is within you? Unable to be washed away by the soap. Too embedded to be scrubbed? It is purged from your bowls and vomited up in even your most common or innocent of statements? Disregarded as something that holds no meaning or weight? If that is the case, why does each particle pile on my shoulders and become so heavy? Can't you see you're hurting me? My back is breaking but you don't care. It is beyond your control. You argue your rights and defend your perspective.

"It is a free country we live in. I can do and say as I please. Even if it is nothing but dirt. DIRT !"

DIRT DIRT DIRT DIRT. Did you hear me Sarah?! I said Dirt !

To You I give my life. My very being. You see my hurt. You feel my pain. You know my heart. Through this I will only be strengthened. I cannot be defeated.

The dirt may weigh heavy on my back, but through You ALL things are possible.

I need a break! I've got the shakes!

"The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."

 

Addiction.

 

Has a pretty negative connotation doesn't it? It is by addictions that we are seemingly driven, moved and propelled forward. Some addictions are more serious than others, but each and every one of us has them whether we realize or care to admit it.

 

Something else that we might not care to admit is the fact that the people we work with become somewhat of a second family. Some people have that rebellious brother, or promiscuous sister, maybe the nerdy sibling or the meat-head jock. The same can be seen in the restaurant family. No family is perfect and my work family is no exception to the norm. We all have addictions.

 

Hello, my name is Sarah and I have a problem. I am going to be the first to admit that I have an addiction to java, Jo, bean juice, mud, jamoke and sludge. I'm in love with COFFEE ! Not too harmful, relatively inexpensive, pleasantly and conveniently social, and serves a dual purpose by both warming and awakening the consumer. Folgers was right on the money when they said "The best part of waking up...". I am not going to be pompous or ignorant to the fact that there are those men and women out there that find coffee to be a vile tasting beverage, but everyone is subjected to their own opinion. (But really, there is something seriously wrong with these people.-- Oh relax, I'm just kidding)

 

As I previously stated, our addictions propel us forward and motivate us, but they also allow us to find ourselves and continue to accomplish things when we are in the most stressful of situations. I know, you all are probably thinking, wow, drug addict much? Don't misunderstand me, I am not approving or promoting the use of illegal or harmful substances by any means, just stay with me.

 

Him, him and her drink coffee, black. She smokes like a chimney. oh, so do those two. Monster is his vice and she buys Red Bull by the case at Sam's Club. I cringe every time I see him swig his grape flavored 5-hour Energy shot and watch as she pops two NoDoz pills (equal to 2 cups of coffee without the upset stomach, overactive bladder and teeth stains). Some prefer other stimulants while others swear by the depressants. 

 

I know, I know, your a saint. You rise with the birds chipper as can be and boast of your non-addictions. Not so fast. I believe I said before that everyone has some sort of addiction whether they realize it or not. What about every human being's addiction to life itself.  Didn't think of that did you? Everything we do, every decision we make more than likely has some selfish motive whether we mean it to be that way or not. We were born with the self-preservation instinct. If life is so addicting, why do so many of us find such a thrill in playing with, teasing and hardly cheating death?

 

Don't ask me. I skydive.

 

It seems as though our addictions are things that we as humans would care to keep clandestine and out of site and out of others judgemental minds, simply because our addictions represent vulnerabilities and imperfections within ourselves. They fill the spaces for the energy, talents, opportunities or happiness that we may lack. Then why are Monster stickers stuck to every surface in the kitchen while Dunkin Donut 20 ouncers litter 901's table top and empty bottles and cigarette butts serve as crowns on all the trash cans? Let's go back to the work family concept. How much do your siblings know about you?

 

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Where is Mike Rowe when you need him?

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this character I speak of, Mike Rowe is the host of Discovery Channel's "Dirty Jobs". I have spent a respectable amount of time watching his episodes and cringing as I watch him crawl into sewage pipes, play in animal excrement and manually cause a snake to divulge its latest meal. Sure, these are the jobs you never see or think about, but Mike, what about the obvious ?!

Day shift servers are responsible for all their side duties. This includes : Scraping plates, Washing dishes, Running and sorting the silverware and keeping messes caused by children (whose favorite past time is to explode) to a small 4x4 area, tops.

I would have to say the most damage occurs in the dish room (props you warriors of waste, who make this room your home). However fortunate for me, I am not responsible for the dishes during the prime hours of mayhem. 

Day shift, although, is a different story. 

Aprons, latex gloves, heck, let's break out the splash shield and bio hazard suit. Even those can't protect you from the ketchup splatters, gunked on BBQ sauce or the soggy, dressing drenched lettuce leaves. If that doesn't get you, the ramekin water will.

 Servers love throwing dirty ramekins and slobbery silverware with no consideration  for other servers or dishwashers that are crammed together in this small steamy space. It's not the danger of getting stabbed by a steak knife that you have to worry about. No, no, no my friend. Beware of the blue, chemically infused ramekin water. Looking like the remains of a blue smoothie turned sour in the stomach of an unsuspecting child, this liquid has the capability of zeroing in and targeting your most vulnerable and precious assets : the eyes and mouth 

Oh yeah, that tastes good. A compilation of 75 guests, octuple dipped, dipping sauces mixed with saliva and some disinfectant for good measure.

By the time the front doors are locked,  and the lights are closed, we are nothing but exhausted shells of the humans that we were just six hours ago, with a thin glaze of everything edible coating our clothing and skin.

So, all this brings me to my point and title. If cleanliness is next to Godliness (Please do not take this saying as direct scripture; Many sayings, such as this one are supported by the essence of certain passages , but over the years have been mistaken as verbatim excerpts.) and my job loans itself to be so dirty, am I stuck working in my own hell?

I find this a little extreme as you may have as well, but it made me laugh to think of this possibility. One of the servers greets me most every day by saying, in the most malevolent voice that she can muster, "Welcome to hell". Maybe this girl is on to something.

I rather enjoy my job (on most days) and believe that God has placed me there for the time being. For what purpose, I don't know. If I have to wear ketchup for His glory and pleasure, so be it. Some days it may feel like I am working in hell's kitchen , but at least I can always go home and shower and practice my Godliness from beneath my covers.

 AMEN !

Buds of Curiosity

                                         

Raw fish.                                              Seaweed.

Appetizing right? Twenty-two years of my life gone by and consuming raw or under-cooked fish was inconceivable to me. (After all, every restaurant menu advises against it, "for risk of contracting food-born illnesses") The problem is, working in a restaurant has you constantly eating the same food day after day. This food is not of poor quality or lacking in freshness or flavor, its just simply boring. You pick up a menu to see what you want to eat, (regardless of the fact that you could recite every appetizer, soup, salad, entree' and side dish that is listed within the menu by heart) only to settle on the cheapest, yet most satisfying course possible; Can we say turkey mini's and salad bar? Oh, let's substitute the french fries for a side of grilled asparagus instead. That would be the F&T (Fit and Trim) way.

So after my taste buds have been subjected to such monotony, one can only imagine the search they must be on for something new, exciting, exotic and possibly a bit dangerous?

So here we have arrived. The countdown has begun. It's me or the fish. Whats that? A hint of spice atop fresh shrimp, paired with the fresh taste of cucumber (did you know that cucumbers hold no nutritional value?) and tied together with only the stickiest sticky rice. My taste buds have a crush that is quickly developing into something much more serious. Oops, they are blushing.

My advice to those skeptical humans out there. Close your eyes, open your mouth, think happy thoughts and let the sushi do the rest. Its only gross if you enter into the experience with the negative nancy mentality.

Live a little. Eat Sushi.